July 12, 2010   Posted in: Mom Tips, Personal Care  4 Comments

Moms, Children and Anger

Week 2 Topic – “If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.”

When my children were younger I had a lot of anger inside of me and I didn’t know how to respond to situations appropriately.  Since then, I’ve grown and learned a lot about anger and how it truly affects them.  For instance, I’ve learned that it teaches them to react in situations with negative emotions instead of thinking through the problem with logic.  It also teaches them that fighting and conflict are solutions to their problems.  We as parents, must be a role model to our children by showing them appropriate ways to resolve differences and deal with conflict.

What if we do not know how to resolve our own differences or conflicts with others?  Sometimes this can be difficult for anyone.  We need to first stop and address our feelings of frustration.  We must get in a habit of identifying our feelings so we don’t simply react out of emotion.  Then we can choose an appropriate way to react to our emotions and release our tension.  Taking a quick “time out for mommies” is a great solution.  We could take a 5 minute walk, dig in our garden, read a devotional, write in our journal, or simply go to another room and take some deep breaths.  Taking deep breaths when we are angry can be vital to refreshing us and helping us calm down so we can approach the situation calmly.  I would love to know some ways you ease your tension and frustration.  Drop me a note and let’s encourage other moms together!

Until next time,

Kristen

July 7, 2010   Posted in: Children, Relationships  4 Comments

Caution: Exploding Mom!

I’ve been reading the book “Codependents’ Guide to the Twelve Steps” by Melody Beattie.  While not everyone may agree with the twelve steps, I can say that I have actively worked these steps for myself and through them, God has radically changed my life.  Now, you may be wondering, was she addicted to drugs or alcohol at one time?  No, I was simply addicted to my codependent behaviors.  I was, in fact, dependent on others and things to keep me going and it was killing me.

For me, my inner emotional needs were not being met.  I was screaming for help and my life seemed out of control.  In an effort to calm the storm inside of me I formed an addictive relationship with others, behaviors, and things.  I was very unhappy and made others around me,  including my children, unhappy.  My marriage was spiraling down hill, my life was out of control, and I blamed God for all of it.  I was a rageholic.  I did not like my life and I wondered if peace would ever come.  Thank God, I eventually learned how to fill my emotional needs in a healthy way and my peace did come.

Through reading this book, I was reminded of my life storm and reminded where I once was at in a time of my life.  In Beattie’s book, she reminded me how important it is to truly feel our feelings.  For so long, I stuffed my feelings down inside of me and never felt them.  I would stay busy and occupied so I wouldn’t have time to actually feel my feelings.  We need to stop for a moment and check in with ourselves so we don’t just keep pushing them down deeper.  When we start filling up a trash can, what eventually happens when it becomes full?  It overflows.  This is what will happen with our emotions if we keep tucking them deep down inside of us.  We will eventually overflow and all the junk that is stored inside of us will explode, we will erupt!  I challenge you today to feel your feelings; own them and claim them.  Then release them to God.  Don’t allow hurt emotions or feelings to expel negative energy in your life any longer.  You are worth more than that! I’m curious, what action will you take today to clean up some of the “junk” that is causing negative energy in your life?

Until next time,

Kristen

Application Step:

• Stop and acknowledge your feelings.  Pay attention to what you’re feeling throughout your day.  Ask yourself, “Is something going on inside of me that needs my attention?”
• Identify your feelings.  A great way to identify your feelings is to journal.  Stop and write down what is going on in your life and how you feel about it.
• Release the negative feeling.  Once you’ve identify the negative feeling, release it to God in a prayer or a journal.  Do not allow it to have control over you any longer.  Forgiveness may play a role in you releasing the negative feeling.  If so, forgive others and yourself.
• Replace negative with positive.  Replace those negative feelings with positive ones.  After you’ve released the negative feelings, make sure to have positive thoughts and make a choice to be happy and joyful!

Scripture for the day:

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31,32

June 21, 2010   Posted in: Personal Care, Relationships  One Comment

A Mom’s Words

Week 1 Topic – “If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.”

I must confess, this has not always been an easy concept for me to remember.  While logically I knew this in my head, at times, possibly when I was frustrated or even angry, I would disregard this concept and allow my words to hurt my child.  I have grown up a lot since then, I have been involved in a lot of parenting classes, and I’ve grown in my walk with the Lord.  This is not to say I am perfect, I am human and I still mess up, but now when I begin to criticize my child, I realize it and try my best to fix it or even stop it before it begins.

How do we convey criticism to our children?  Children hear criticism in a dozen ways such as words, tone of voice, manner, or even a glance.  Children are sensitive to our words and the way we say them and always take them to heart.  When children constantly live with criticism, we are teaching them to see what’s wrong with the world, rather than to see what’s right.

What can we do as moms?

Create clear boundaries for our children

• When we create clear boundaries, this prevents any arguments from occurring because the child knows ahead of time what he/she can and can not do.  That way, the child doesn’t do something wrong without knowing it and we end up criticizing them for it because we are angry.  Taking the time to set clear boundaries and enforcing them with love can save a lot of pain and heartache.

• We can allow them to have control over small issues and this builds trust for future negotiations with bigger issues.  If children know that we will respect and listen to their ideas (without criticism) on small issues then they are more willing to talk to us as they grow into teenagers about bigger issues.

• As moms, we must teach our children right from wrong.  We must correct them when they make a mistake.  Many times, when we criticize our children we are trying to teach them and encourage them to do better, to be better.  However, children do not take criticism as encouragement.  When children hear criticism, they internalize it as we are attacking them personally, as who they are, rather than the behavior.  When we, as moms, take time to choose our words carefully and truly think about how our words will impact our child, we can say what we need to without diminishing their sense of self.

As moms, we have a choice to create a positive, supportive environment or a critical and condemning one.  We can choose to uplift our children or to diminish their self-esteem.  Children are our future; they are a mom’s world.  By taking time to think through our words and our actions, we can have a positive influence on their life.  I’m curious, what are some ways us moms can create a positive and supportive environment in our homes? I would love to hear your ideas.  Let’s learn from each other!

June 14, 2010   Posted in: Children  2 Comments

Children Learn What They Live

Growing up my mom had the poem in our kitchen, “If Children Learn What They Live” by Dorothy Law Nolte.  I always admired this poem and promised myself I would remember the words always so I could have a positive influence on my child’s life.  Well, guess what?  I grew up and unfortunately I didn’t always remember all the words to this poem.  I would like to share this poem with you and in the next few weeks dissect it, sentence by sentence, so we can raise happy, healthy children and affect the generations to come.  Hope you enjoy!

Children Learn What They Live

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.

If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.

If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.

If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.

If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.

If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.

If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.

If children live with fairness, they learn justice.

If children with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.

If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Dorothy Law Nolte

What are your thoughts about the poem?  Let’s talk!

June 12, 2010   Posted in: Children  4 Comments

Living in the Present Moment

Being a mom and living in the moment, not the future, can sometimes be challenging for me.  Planning for my day and setting my goals is a must; however, I can sometimes get so caught up with all my “doing” that I simply forget to just live in the moment, minute by minute.  Learning to trust that God will direct my steps in each moment and following His direction in my life has been an invaluable lesson for me.  The Bible teaches us, “A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure (Proverbs 16:9).”

By allowing God to guide and direct our steps, we can know that doors will open, opportunities will arise, and mountains will move!  Therefore, when we allow Him to guide and direct us, we can rest in each moment by knowing that He is protecting our future moments and working for our good.

Living in the present moment is not always an easy task to accomplish, but with God all things are possible!  So let’s remember to make our plans, but then turn them over to God and allow Him to lead us; simply let go and let God.  If we do this, we can enjoy our family, our children, and our day! I pray you enjoy your day!

Many blessings,

Kristen

Application step:

• Give yourself reality checks throughout your day.  Ask yourself, “Am I accepting this present moment, or am I escaping into the future?”
• If you find that you are escaping into the future, remind yourself that God is protecting all of your future moments so there is no need to worry about your day.
• Try looking down and reminding yourself that your feet are planted firmly on the ground in front of you and you are right here, right now in this present moment.

Scripture for the day:

This is the day that the Lord has made.  I will rejoice and be glad in it! (Psalm 118:24)

Additional Scripture:

Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?…. Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.  Today’s trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:27, 34)

The unfailing love of the Lord never ends! By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.  Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day. (Lamentations 3:22-23)

June 7, 2010   Posted in: Personal Care  2 Comments

Challenges in a Mom’s Life

As a mom, we all face challenges in our day to day life.  Some challenges may be easier than others; while some make us want to scream! For example, one of the challenges I am facing currently involves my children growing up. They are both moving into different schools next school year. My daughter will be moving up into middle school and my son will be moving into high school. Needless to say, this change is not one that I am taking easily and it has caused me some emotional distress! However, I know that change is a part of life and I must move on so that I can enjoy each stage of their life.

Another challenge I always seem to encounter is getting caught up in all my daily tasks. I sometimes get so caught up in the busyness of life that I forget about each moment. I have learned that I have to stay focused and enjoy each minute that God gives me. I have to plant my feet firmly on the ground and remind myself that this moment is where I am “now.” I must do this with my children as well. I have to remind myself to enjoy each and every moment that I get to spend with them.

These are just a few of the challenges that I am facing, I’m curious, what are some challenges that you are facing as a mom? I would love to know so we can support each other; us moms need to stick together!  So please, drop me a line… let’s talk!

Until next time,

Kristen

May 24, 2010   Posted in: Uncategorized  No Comments

A Mom’s Stinkin’ Thinkin’

Unfortunately, mornings have never been my favorite time of the day.  I typically want to be left alone and not bothered until I at least have my first cup of coffee and even after then, it takes me a while to want to be social.  However, when we have kids, that can be very challenging!  Take the other morning for instance when I was driving my daughter to school.  She was very busy talking non-stop, like she usually does (lol).  My inner self started talking and telling me…  “Oh how I wish she would hush.” “Oh, the noise, it’s too much this early in the morning!” and I even said, “I can’t wait to get her to school so I can have some peace and quiet!”  Immediately, my mom guilt kicked in and I felt terrible for thinking such thoughts!  I then realized this was my stinkin’ thinkin’ getting in the way of my happiness!  I had to change my thoughts so I could enjoy my moment with my daughter.  I changed my thoughts to, “Oh, my daughter’s sweet little voice, it’s so soft at this age” and “I am enjoying this moment while she is still young and I can actually drive her to school.” The moment I changed my thoughts, I began to feel much happier and appreciative of life!

Our thoughts can control our life if we allow them to.  I challenge you to become aware of your stinkin’ thinkin’ today.  When a negative thought enters your mind, write it down, and then change it up so that it is positive.  For example, if you say I am so stupid! Change it to, I am God’s masterpiece or I am a smart, loving mom full of potential!  Keep a list of your positive affirmations and state them daily over your life until positive thinking becomes your new thinking!  Don’t allow your thoughts to control you; control your thoughts!  So, I’m curious, can you relate to a situation similar to mine?  How can you change your negative thoughts to be more positive?  I would love to hear your responses!

Remember:  Change your thoughts, change your life.

Until next time,

Kristen

May 16, 2010   Posted in: Personal Care  2 Comments

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